If you are the loved one of an addict or alcoholic, it may be very obvious to you that addiction does not affect only the person suffering the disease; but you may not realize the extent to which your loved one’s addiction has impacted your life—in ways large and small. While there are treatment programs for addicts that do provide family counseling, it often seems as though there is a great deal more support for an individual in recovery than there is for someone who has struggled to cope while their friend, spouse, or family member has been in the grip of addiction. There are specific issues that apply to the loved ones of addicts, which are important to keep in mind both during the addict or alcoholic’s time in a drug rehab center, and after the initial treatment has concluded.
Codependency is a Very Real Thing
While co-dependency can exist with a wide range of mental illnesses, the symptoms are most recognizable in codependent loved ones of an addict. In essence, codependency is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. Typically, behaviors and characteristics include:
- A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
- An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
- An extreme need for approval and recognition
- A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
- A compelling need to control others
- Lack of trust in self and/or others
- Difficulty identifying feelings
- Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
- Problems with intimacy/boundaries
- Chronic anger
- Lying/dishonesty
- Poor communications
- Difficulty making decisions
Codependents will make excuses or “smooth the way” for their addicted or otherwise mentally ill loved one—they will call in sick on the addict’s behalf, or justify the addict’s behavior in some way. While this can seem helpful in the moment, it is only helping the addict or alcoholic to prolong his or her activities—which will only become more destructive over time.
Families of Addicts Need Treatment Too
At heart, addiction is not—as many people likely think—an individual illness. It is a disease that affects the entire family. While an addict receiving treatment can remove a great deal of the tension and stress on family members, most drug and alcohol treatment centers will agree that family members should also seek some treatment for the issues that they’ve developed as a result of dealing with the addict. Most recovery programs incorporate at least a few meetings with family members in a therapeutic setting, along with providing information and support to the families of addicts to help them understand how they can help their addicted love one in recovery to improve the interpersonal dynamics of the family.
Treatment for codependency and other issues suffered by the loved ones of alcoholics and addicts includes education, individual and group therapy; groups such as Al-Anon, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and more provide support to individuals who are struggling to cope not only with their loved one’s addiction, but when the process of their loved one undergoing recovery. It’s important to know that while there are many services and different treatment modalities available for addicts and alcoholics, there are also treatments and assistance available to the loved ones, who need help often just as much.
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